Candy Castle Keep

Lolly sits in the keep of Candy Castle with her candies-in-waiting. On the other side of the keep, Queen Frostine drinks chocolate milk from a long-stemmed glass. A stern-faced gingerbread man stands beside her with a jug of Moo Milk. She calls to Lolly.

QUEEN

Come here, my little crumpet. (To the gingerbread man) Pour another glass.

LOLLY

(She goes to the queen)Yes, my lady?

QUEEN

Sit down. Have a drink.

LOLLY

I’m… not thirsty.

QUEEN

If you were thirsty, I wouldn’t have offered you milk. Drink.

LOLLY

(Takes a glass from the gingerbread man) Thank you.

QUEEN

I would rather face one thousand armies then be trapped in Candy Castle with these trembling truffles.

LOLLY

But the candies-in-waiting are under your protection!

QUEEN

I’m just doing what is expected of me. I can’t just let them melt in the heat of the battle. You will have to live up to certain expectations, too, if you marry King Jellybean. (She guzzles the rest of the chocolate milk and hands the glass to the gingerbread man) If my little brother somehow manages to win the battle, the kingdom will sing songs of my inspiring bravery.

LOLLY

But what if Candy Castle falls?

QUEEN

You would like that, wouldn’t you? If anyone but Lord Starburst were attacking us, I would appeal to his natural cravings, so to speak. Are you shocked, my little crumpet? Here’s some advice: the best weapon is your creamy center. (To the gingerbread man) Pour Lady Lolly another drink. (To Lolly) If Candy Castle falls, we’re in for a bit of a rape. When those Wonderballs roll in from battle, even the stalest morsel looks sweet. Why, you’ll look just like a slice of cake. You can be sure that there will be a special prize hidden inside of each of these ladies by morning. Then you’ll be glad for your cordial cherry filling.

Lolly takes a glass of chocolate milk from the gingerbread man and gulps it down in one shot.

You can read the epic conclusion of the battle here.

Fifty Flavors of Frostine

Queen Frostine sits on the Candy-Coated Throne at the end of a long corridor in Candy Castle while an epic battle rages outside. The young prince sits upon her lap.

THE QUEEN

Do you want me to tell you a story? Did I ever tell you about the bite-sized candy bar who lived in the forest with his mother?

PRINCE

The Candy Cane Forest?

THE QUEEN

Yes. But there were rotten things living in the forest, too.

PRINCE

What kind of things?

THE QUEEN

Lollypops…

PRINCE

But lollypops are delicious!

THE QUEEN

…And gummy bears. The mother told the bite-sized candy not to fear, because one day he would become king-sized. She said that someday he would be the king of the lollypops, the gummy bears, the peppermints, the Swedish fish in the sea, and the cotton candy in the sky. (She produces a tube of toothpaste labeled “Essence of Fluoride”) The little candy bar asked if he would be as crunchy and satisfying as his father, and his mother said he would be. (She uncaps the tube and produces a toothbrush) Then she told the little candy bar to brush his teeth and go to sleep. (The Prince tentatively opens his mouth)

The door bursts open and several armed gingerbread men enter the room. They all step aside. Lord Licorice enters.

LORD LICORICE

It’s all over. We’ve won.

The toothbrush clatters against the floor and a minty gel dribbles out of the toothpaste tube.

Click here to read another scene from Game of Scones.