Friday, June 24, 2011

Beauty Tips in Conversational, Gossip Style for Your Demographic

It’s summer! Time to take off your ski mask and let your face shine. Here are some of my favorite simple skincare recipes to make your skin glow.

Avocado Mask
1 half ripened avocado
  1.  Remove the dark skin of the avocado to free its slimy, green interior.
  2. Apply a dollop of avocado flesh to your own flesh in a gentle circling motion.
  3.  Let rest for 20 minutes.
  4.  Serve with a bowl of Blue Corn Tostitos.

Egg White Mask
1 egg white
  1. Beat egg until frothy.
  2. Apply to T-zone with your fingertips in a gentle circling motion.
  3. Fry on a seasoned cast iron pan at low heat for best results.
  4. Remove from heat and sprinkle with crumbled feta and basil.
  5. Salt and pepper to taste.

Pumpkin Face Mask
2 teaspoons cooked or canned pumpkin puree
½ teaspoon brown sugar
½ teaspoon of milk
For Dry Skin:
¼ teaspoon heavy whipping cream
  1. Preheat oven to 400 F.
  2. Combine ingredients in medium sized mixing bowl.
  3.  Gently apply to face, avoiding the eye area.
  4. Insert face into preheated oven for 20-30 minutes or until fully cooked.
  5.  Let sit for 10 minutes.
  6. Serve with whipped cream and optional coffee to top off a filling holiday meal.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Carnivorous Plant: One Year Later

Last year I passed a lonely summer with nothing but the company of a molding, dormant pitcher plant that spontaneously combusted and withered at every turn.

I assumed it was dead, left it alone, flew to the Czech Republic, watched a whole bunch of puppet shows, became painfully familiar with the floor of Ruzyne Airport, authored a short story collection, tried out “green” blogging, discovered a sudden penchant for farming, completed my college education, and returned home only to discover that my plant had deceived me. It was not dead at all.

Is this some sort of joke, Pitcher Plant? After I purchased the distilled water that hydrated your discerning capillaries? After I took you out to photosynthesize on the porch almost daily? After I scrawled many a blog post detailing your progress and photographed your slowly unfurling leaf structures? Is this how you repay me, Pitcher Plant? Was this all part of your plan?

Did I suffocate you with my tenderness? Was it grief over the incineration of your terrarium mate that kept you wilted for so long? I resent you, Pitcher Plant. Someday I may find it in my heart to forgive you, but until then I will merely admit that you look really, really awesome.