While de-cluttering my living space I found a drawer of my early journals among the plush snowmen and worn out pairs of sneakers. Sitting cross-legged between a burlap sack of old shoes and a pair of lime green Rollerblades I flipped eagerly through the notebooks discovering early traces of my brilliance. I believe this journal, from 1996, to be a key moment in my personal and professional development. I share my findings here in hopes that my prodigious wisdom will progress mankind as a whole.
February 5, 1996
I ate a Banana a couple of times.
February 6, 1996
I cleaned my rome and I hid it under my bed.
February 7, 1996
I am a happy tooth because I get flost every day.
February 13, 1996
Gess wut song is stuc in my hed
Mow mow mow mow mow mow mow mow mow mow mow mow
February 16, 1996
On vacation, I am going to Mikdonalds.
February 28, 1996
I am a sad tooth because I bo not flos. I bo not brush. I bo not ete good food. I ete candey.
March 4, 1996
Over the weekend I played with Sara. I played with babby sistar Kely. I played with another babby sistar Kely.
March 14, 1996
If I were a kite I would fly the rest of my life.
March 15, 1996
I wish shamrocks were a food.
March 19, 1996
My fren Sara gets happy at me sumtimes.
Merch 21, 1996
If I were a raddit I could hop withowt falling. I could ete caris. I wont haff to ete Foods.
April 15, 1996
If I were the sun I could live in the sky.
I wuod be yellow.
I wuod get very hot.
I could turn into the moon.
April 29, 1996
I throw up.
May 2, 1996
My mother is a special person. She is special to me because she pulls my teeth out.
June 3, 1996
Saras sistr throw a big rock at me.
June 4, 1996
Were going on a feeld trip. I think I’m going to see Bears.
June 27, 1996
I’ve ben akting like a horse.
The second notebook, produced two years later in Mrs. Porter’s third grade class, was from a far less prolific period. I sketched the blueprints of an automatic flyswatter, somewhat resembling a catapult with wheels. I also expressed a desire to own a dog that is half Maltese and half macaroni and cheese.